Julien BAYLE is a great friend of mine.
He’s a producer, digital artist and musician and he will be writing the preface of my next book ‘The musician samurai code‘.
We used to work together as public servants and we used to be dreaming about the fact that one day we could have a great life out of the matrix : ours.
I did so one year before him but right now, Julien definitely changed his 35 next years.
Of course it wasn’t that easy and it implied time, many doubts, a few financial issues and a lot of personal growth steps to undertake full responsability for his own life.
But he definitely made it as he consicously made the choice to be happy.
He changed his life and made his wishes come true. He found his freedom through a fulfilled musician’s life.
He diid all the job, but I’m very proud that he asked me to help him on his path through my experience and my coaching skills.
Now that hard part is over, he works on various projects as an digital artist, creating his own visual and musical material.
But he is also a certified trainer and an upcoming guru for the last release of musical software Ableton Live as he has been asked to write a dedicated book about this software’s last release. The book will be published and available in the year to come.
Three years after I left my public organiszation, and two years after he did, we regurlaly work together thinking about new stuff, new concepts, new ideas and new projects. You can find some great pictures about our working sessions on Flickr right here.
I made an interview of him a few months ago on this very same blog right here but I wasn’t thinking that he could become the great man he became that fast.
But he avtually did.
Here’s an filmed interview he made a few weeks ago where you will encounter simple and genuine success.
Enjoy as I did while watching this small and pleasant footage.
Find more about Julien on his website.
As a coach I help people in their professional life; managers or employees, whatever.
Since a few months I happened to help people – I will call them coachees – who had very specific relational issues with some very unpleasant coworkers of theirs.
The problem was these issues were starting to become quite unbearable and very painful for the coachees from an emotional point of view.
It was not just about disagreement : the situations were that uncomfortable that for most of the coachees they were about to doubt about themselves and about their skills. Psychological issues weren’t that far from them.
For instance I recently helped a manager – I’ll call him Tim – that had to face an ‘avoiding’ employee whom I’ll call Sam.
Sam used to flee any face-to-face professional confrontation. Anytime Tim wanted to talk to Sam about his results, about some of his reports or about his behavior, Sam was always getting away from the situation with an unpredictible and improvised excuse.
The child and the victim we were
I told Tim that, as a manager he should have been able to face such situations by strong commitment in his manager role but that he was actually himself avoiding the situation. He could have virtually stuck Sam in a corner or up on a wall. He could have called him and asked him to be first thing in his office the following morning and accept no excuse at all.
But he didn’t do so.
He was deliberately letting Sam playing his part as he wanted to and I asked him to assume the responsibility for this state of fact.
Tim admitted that he accepted what should not be accepted from any employee and after a few sessions I guided him through, he realized that he already had lived such a situation in his private life.
He recalls that when he was a child, even a teenager and a young man, each time he tried to have a genuine and intimate talk with his father, he was impossible for him to make him stay eye to eye in front of him for more than a few seconds.
The father always had better things to do.
The man we should be
Hence, here’s what I told Tim.
That’s it Tim.
You maintain this situation vivid.
You want to live this situation again and again because it’s quite familiar.
You still behave as the child you were when you had to face your father.
You put yourself as a victim regarding the fact you had an avoiding father.
As a consequence you unconsciously dove in the ‘Sam-relational’ issue and still are keeping it unsolved just to be in a the right position to complain about this.
Because you don’t want to get over the issue with your father, you don’t end the hidden conflict with Sam.
Big silence. Lot of tears.
Then Tim asked me : ‘What should I do ?‘ I then answered.
Kill the past Tim.
Your father is still alive so go and find him to stick him up on a wall.
Treat him as a partner. You are not a child anymore.
You are a samurai now.
Stick him in a corner and have the talk of your life with him. He will try to flee but you mustn’t give up.
If he cancels, call him back and make another appointment. If he doesn’t come, go and find him at his place.
Do whatever is needed, whatever the time, whatever the energy, to talk to your father and make him listen to what you have to say.
You have to face this figure of authority so to kill the past and live fully your nowadays life without fear.
That’s the fight of your life.
Get over this and you won’t have to suffer from any coworker or anyone at all ever again.
And he did.
It hadn’t been that easy and he needed several shots of courage to face his father who tried to escape. Again.
But he actually stuck him, said what he had to say and eventually became the man he deserved to be.
Into the dragon’s den
A few weeks later, Sam – the naughty avoiding employee – had to face nothing but a roaring dragon during a 15 minutes management interview.
No yelling and no anger at all but very genuine men statements.
Sam hadn’t been able to avoid it because the dragon Tim became had Sam enter his den with no other single choice whatsoever.
Tim wasn’t the same anymore.
Because he wasn’t the child of his father anymore, he wasn’t waiting for any approval from his hierarchy.
And because he took his place as a man, he took his as a manager too.
See the big picture
As a matter of fact, in very specific situations, we unsconsiously maintain the link with some part of our story.
We have to see to whole picture of our life to realize that we often reproduce some patterns of our past education and we deliberately dive over and over again into the same gladatorial issue, provoking the same inner emotional conflict.
We try to maintain the pain of the past just because it defines us.
We rather should try to get over it so to be free.
Even if being free scares us as hell we, as samurais, have to try to face this fear and face ourself like Tim did.
Otherwise we won’t ever be able to act like mature grown up people and embrace the true challenges of our life.
We samurai have to cut the link with the past so to step forward in our present life.
So, be zen, choose your best katana and, as a samurai, cut whatever link you maintain with the past that prevents you from actually being yourself.
Manta rays don’t swim.
They are my totem. They inspire me.
My company’s logo is based on a manta ray’s shape.
Even the name of the company is nearly a phonetic anagram of “Manta Ray“
One day I’ll swim with them.
Just like that.
They are mysterious and seem very protective.
Calm, patient and quiet they appear as seas’ guardians.
Underwater samurais they are.
They seem to patrol all throughout the ocean.
Sustaining a fragile balance between underwater fauna and flora.
No hard feelings, no hysterical motion in they behavior.
Just a cool progression on the line of their life.
Here they are. Observing. Feeling.
No calculation. No strategy.
Guided by water streams and instinct they never stop flying.
They are connected to their environnement to 100%.
Basically, they don’t swim into water.
They are water.
Surprisingly they continuously have to swim going forward so to make water flowing over their gills.
Because as fishes they have to respire underwater.
As a consequence, swimming backward is impossible for them and they can never stop swimming so to sleep or even rest.
So, why acting like manta rays could help us to make our wishes come true and change our lives in any way ?
Because changing our life sometimes just means to adjust our behavior and our way of perceiving daily matters.
Emuling Manta Ray’s flight could be a good starting point to improve our life because it could help us to focus ourself on our human destiny and perceive our daily life in a very different way.
Here are a few things Manta Rays do that should inspire us as human beings :
- They are fully connected to their environment
- They accept their destiny
- They take care of their close relatives and peers
- They live though balance rather than struggle and competition
- They never stop going forward
- They never look backward
- They always go ahead with their peers and never let them behind
- They think about the group rather than individually
A simple program we should use to prevent ourself from falling apart in the narcissistic modern society we are destined to live in.
However, until now, as inspiring as they could be, we don’t really know that much about Manta Rays.
But do we really know that much about ourself ?
So far they fascinate us but we don’t really know what their purpose is.
Neither do we know that much about ours.
However, I happened to be asked how one could really change their life.
Still I don’t have the answer.
But I’m sure that taking care of ourselves and trying to understand our purpose in connection with our environment, like manta rays do, could be a good starting point.
“If you want to make your wishes come true, you have to take full responsabilty for everything that will happen to you”
As wise as it is, this self-improvement rule has been spreaded all over the world, through thousands of blogs, books and websites and seems a bit of tired and outdated.
However, it always remains deeply true.
But what if a friend of us gives us a good advice ?
“We can’t take responsability for something that would have been told and given to us for free.” may we think.
That’s deeply wrong.
When given a good advice, the only person we should be grateful with is ourself.
Just because we make the decision to accept the advice, we consciously decide to take the risk of a prospective failure.
That makes us responsible.
So, don’t have a wrong perception of yourself.
You’re a samurai facing your destiny and you owe nothing to good-advice-givers.
Don’t let anyone live on your own choices, even if this choices were to listen to them.
Good souls won’t never take any responsability for the choices you made.
Great life-parasite will always do.
So be proud of your choices.
Be grateful to yourself and say yourself a big ‘THANKS‘.
It’s a part of what will make your wishes come true.
If this advice seems good for you, it’s because of you.
Not because of me.
You owe me nothing.
You owe yourself everything.
THANK YOURSELF everytime you can.
And thank you for the time you spent with me reading this post.