Looking at the truth
Changing one’s life is a very modern dream.
It’s a project a lot of people would like to start so to get rid of their past and find a job or a lifestyle that would be representative of their personality to 100%.
As we never take time to know ourselves and to look inside of us, so to find out how we really feel and what we really want, we are tempted to look out for something outside of us that could fill in our ‘inside’.
What I figured out this past four years is that starting something new needs two important pillars :
- the first one is to realize that all what we’ve been through, good or bad, will help us to embrace a new life and that trying to get rid of our past is a huge mistake we should avoid.
- Second of all, what’s important is to clearly identify the problem’s core before losing ourselves in energy-consuming activities that would just be an updated version of the very same life pattern we are accustomed to.
Don’t ged rid of the past
As I partly put it in this blog’s ‘my story‘ page, I left my position as a civil servant four years ago because I couldn’t stand it anymore.
At first, I blamed everybody for the fact I wasn’t happy in my professional life. It was my boss’ fault, my colleagues’ or bureaucracy’s. Whatever.
If I hadn’t left, I think I could have been able to blame the entire world for being as it still is.
I then put myself in a victim’s position intending to be in total disrupture with my own story.
At this time, I still was a real stanger to myself as I thought I had missed a musician’s or an artist’s career. I was sure I just had realized my family’s ambitions without thinking about what I really wanted for myself.
But that wasn’t the truth.
Actually, I was – and still am – a man loaded with autonomy and energy, but I had been spending the past 20 years putting myself under authoritative people I couldn’t get along with anymore.
Why that ? Because it was actually reassuring me and because I wasn’t really ready for anything else before the very moment I decided to quit.
As a consequence, trying to get rid of that was a total waste of time because this behavior had defined me my entire life. Most of all, it is also because I pushed this professional life pattern to its very limits that I’ve been able, four years from now, to literally let explode my deepest wishes.
As a matter of fact, everything I was unstisfied and unhappy with, was part of my path and it was more than important for my project to succeed, to proudly stand upon all of this so to start something new and to be born again, eventually.
Straight to the problem’s core
Long story short : the starting point of the direction change I wanted to see happening in my life was the fact that I was looking for an activity that could summarize my personality.
Unfortunately, I didn’t know exactly what this would mean.
The real truth is that I was already a forthcoming coach, an entrepreneur and an author but I was totally blind to that and I wasn’t able to clearly state what I really wanted.
It took me time but at some point, I realized that, whatever the boss, whatever the organisation I wouldn’t be completely fulfilled until I feel completely free.
And then I touched the truch or at least did I feel it : I wanted no more boss. I wanted no more office policy. I wanted to define my own’s. My problem was definitely about freedom or at least, about my perception of freedom. It was about making decisions and choices without listening to any other voice but mine.
As cristal clear and obvious it already was to my relatives and friends for a long time, it took me a hell of a time to figure out that I wanted to be my own boss in order to do what I wanted, when I wanted, how I wanted without anyone watching over me, telling me that any idea of mine was no good. Until these ideas become theirs.
I wouldn’t admit it for myself as I was repressing that with a lot of blind endeavours until it became impossible for to go further this dead way.
But here it was : the only way to find my place would mean I had to authorize myself to be fully responsible for the lifestyle I was looking for.
Without this awareness, nothing would have been possible.
A good place to start
There’s a lot of advice that can be given around the fact of changing one’s life.
Our modern society urges us to be happy even if we aren’t ready for it.
We are urged to be free, to feel happy and to show motivation. We are nearly demanded to rapidly deal with such emotions as frustration or anger as if we were eighty years old zen masters whereas we are just twenty-five aged common individuals. We are urged to improve our way of managing intepersonal relationships. We also have to be good fathers, good friends, great lovers, wonderful managers and so on and so forth.
What I’ve learnt is that it’s impossible to become the individual we’d like to be regardless to our internal pace. And in this crazy-fast-paced world we’re living in, taking our time is a good place to start when we’re about to make a radical change in our lives.
If you are compelled by a life change, taking the requested amount of time to clearly identify what you are expecting for and what part of your story can be very useful to start something brand new, could definitely be the first smart steps you could take to get to your natural changing path.
This a DNA digitial picture.
There was a time when I wouldn’t see that our DNA was definitely the best resource we have inside ourselves.
There was time I wouldn’t the idea that not respecting our DNA could lead anyone to breakdown.
In that time, I was thinking that if I just had to change of manager or company so to be completely fulfilled.
In that time, I was thinking that the problem was only coming from the environment I was in at this specific moment.
It was in that time that I was about to change my life (see my story).
But I was blind to myself.
I wasn’t able to realize that changing my job or my manager, without respect for my DNA would have lead me to reproduce the same unbearable situation over and over again.
Why that ?
The answer came from a coach that helped me to know myself better so to design the life I am actually living.
I went through 6 coaching sessions with him and it showed me cristal clear that my problem wasn’t the job.
It was just some of my psychological needs that weren’t fulfilled. To get to a balanced and fulfilling professional life, I had first to identify these needs so to make sure, whatever my next professional activity, that they’ll be respected.
These values are part of my DNA and I have to respect it to maintain my personal balance.
Here are these values
- I have to speak and I want to be heard.
- My ideas are mine, your ideas are yours.
- I have too much energy to be bored.
- I need challenge. I prefer danger rather than comfort.
- My brain must be used to 100%.
- I don’t accept labels on my forehead. I’m myself.
- I work alone but with trustworthy partners.
- Don’t try to make me say what you think if don’t agree.
- I have to create and promote.
- Don’t try to lock me in a box. You can’t control me.
- I can’t work 10 hours in a row. But I can work 5 sequences of 2 hours during a day.
Some items are a bit exagereted so to add a bit of drama.
As a matter of fact, I’m not that stiffed on each item and I learnt to protect myself if my values are not respected.
However, knowing their existence and their importance helps me to instinctively head towards virtuous situations and environments.
Not to toxic ones.
If many of them are not respected, I’m in trouble, whatever the job, whatever the environment.
On another hand, if these values are not under attack, I’m in my life and ready to give the best of me.
That’s what I call ‘Relying on our DNA and respect it’.
Sometimes, changing a life is just changing a point of view.
Hence, if you learn to rely on your DNA you will also learn to respect every part of yourself (psychologically, emotionally, physically).
Always focus on your values. Not on activities.
The writing of ‘The musician samurai code is still going on. Such a project can take time but I use my travel time and sleepless nights hours to go on through this very important project I’d like to end up in months to come.
I’ve just finished a fourth chapter (‘This book’) which is the book’s first chapter.
In this first part of the book, I talk about the purpose of the book, how it should be perceived and used by musicians and how I happened to start such an unusual coaching psychology guide.
I talk also about myself and the parts of my personal stroy that got me to write this book and how it came up as an obviousnness.
The quest is going on as the fifth chapter’s writing already began.
It will be about how to handle relationships in a band or in an orchestra.
Let me know your thoughts through my contact page.
- This book
- Mentors and disciples
- Mastery of the art
- The responsability weapon
- On the battlefield
- Walk on the right side
- Hard emotions
- Zen musical philosophy
- Zen in a battle
- A samurai’s business
- Band of brothers
- And in the end
I’ve been lately asked what my 35 next years will be made of and dedicated to.
Coach and Psychologist Alyson Whybrow asked me the question on Twitter (@alysonwhybrow) and, since I help people to design their professional or personal life, I figured out the question was more than relevant.
Of course I’m not a fortune teller and I indeed know we hardly have any control regarding what will happen to us.
However, as I allowed myself to be happy (see my story), I’m now able to write small action plans so to live a life that will respect my values and psychological and physical needs.
As I already put it in a previous post about projects of mine, planning far over 1 year it’s quite impossible to do because we change from month to month. The flow of our lives makes us different day after day and what was true yesterday is not that true today.
Nevertheless being hungry regarding life and keepig our dreams alive is a good thing to be a great life-designer even if, eventually, things won’t happen to 100% the way we’ve planned them.
So if I had to say what I’d want my 35 next years to be from now on, I would write down the list hereafter. As you’ll see by yourself, I try not to separate the several aspects of my life and personality for that each one has an influence on the others.
It’s like a flow made of dreams, emotions, desires and strong willing that balances itself from one item to another.
- Improve my psychology skills to be a better coach
- Improve my English
- Improve my Spanish
- Explore Zen and martial arts for fun and for coaching practice
- Travel and meet people from around the world
- Help Y generation people to find their place in this crazy world
- Help people to get out of the matrix if they want to
- Help young enginneers to be pragmatic and concrete
- Meet and swim with Manta Rays
- Have great concerts with my band
- Improve my watercolor and painting skills
- Write a science-fiction novel
- Write comic books scripts
- Be an actor from time to time
- Write and play a stand-up one-man-show
- Work as a coach in French and International environment
- Attend International few congresses such as 3rd International Congress of Coaching Psychology
- End to write the musician samurai code
- Write a coaching book for divers
General Purpose and Personal path
- Help people to go on through their life
- Use my brain, potential, skills and commitment to 100% so to have no regrets
- Dive into my emotions to find better serenity
- Know myself better, figure what my true needs are and canalize my energy
- Be dependable for my family and relatives
- Build up a new family
Julien BAYLE is a great friend of mine.
He’s a producer, digital artist and musician and he will be writing the preface of my next book ‘The musician samurai code‘.
We used to work together as public servants and we used to be dreaming about the fact that one day we could have a great life out of the matrix : ours.
I did so one year before him but right now, Julien definitely changed his 35 next years.
Of course it wasn’t that easy and it implied time, many doubts, a few financial issues and a lot of personal growth steps to undertake full responsability for his own life.
But he definitely made it as he consicously made the choice to be happy.
He changed his life and made his wishes come true. He found his freedom through a fulfilled musician’s life.
He diid all the job, but I’m very proud that he asked me to help him on his path through my experience and my coaching skills.
Now that hard part is over, he works on various projects as an digital artist, creating his own visual and musical material.
But he is also a certified trainer and an upcoming guru for the last release of musical software Ableton Live as he has been asked to write a dedicated book about this software’s last release. The book will be published and available in the year to come.
Three years after I left my public organiszation, and two years after he did, we regurlaly work together thinking about new stuff, new concepts, new ideas and new projects. You can find some great pictures about our working sessions on Flickr right here.
I made an interview of him a few months ago on this very same blog right here but I wasn’t thinking that he could become the great man he became that fast.
But he avtually did.
Here’s an filmed interview he made a few weeks ago where you will encounter simple and genuine success.
Enjoy as I did while watching this small and pleasant footage.
Find more about Julien on his website.